What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
