i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just found a bag of teeth...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
