and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
