actually, I'm a sock model
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
