After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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