I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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