capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
