i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
