four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
