Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
