you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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