Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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