You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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