I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize