I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
