I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
