there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
