in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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