Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
