Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
