I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
