it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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