We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
