omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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