just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
