Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
