I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize