I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
