beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
