My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
