im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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