I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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