areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
