ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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