Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
