just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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