On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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