Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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