If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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