New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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