Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
