then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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