Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
