I wish I only lived at night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
