I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
