okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
