I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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