You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
