I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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