Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
