Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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