you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
