Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
