Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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