My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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