i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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