I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
