i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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