anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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