Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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