I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
