and you said cock pushups were impossible
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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