Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
