The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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