Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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