i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
