so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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