Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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