he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
