you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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