I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
