Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
